Thursday, December 2, 2010

Weakness





(I wrote this a couple of nights ago. I am happy and healthy and very blessed, even though the tone of this post may be a bit blue. The problem with my Romanian bank card is being resolved, and I am sure I will resolve the other one at some point, too. If you have not read the previous post, you may find interesting the teaching the Lord gave me about dying kings. I got to preach again yesterday, December 1, in V., this time about Jepthah in Judges 11. Thanks for your prayers--we have a great God!)

Location: Ministry base in Sighisoara, Romania, nearing 11:00pm on the last night of November 2010

Tomorrow is Romania's national holiday, kind of like the USA's Independance Day. I plan to head to the village of V. again, as I often do on Wednesdays. I. is going to come with me, God-willing. He came back to my village of C. with me--my first overnight visitor survived!--and then he has been in Sighisoara with me today. It has been fun having him around.

I. is Romanian Gypsy and a good friend of mine. He is an encouragement to me, because I can see God at work in him. It is long story, but I had to borrow some money from him because the ATM ate my local debit card when I put in the wrong PIN. I did not ask, he just offered. Does that fit your stereotype of a Gypsy? Maybe you will think twice about using the term "gypped." These people are often thought of as liars, cheats, thieves, etc., so it makes me proud to tell you about my Gypsy brother-in-Christ who reflects God's glory. I was treated like a king when I visited his family Sunday night, fed sarmale (cabbage rolls) and marmaliga (corn mush), and enjoyed hiking with him in Brasov. (There is a big "hollywood" sign on the hill; it reads "Brasov." We hiked up even behind the sign, and we could see the whole city!) He has helped me out many times, and though he likes to tease me, he is trustworthy and true.

Thus, God used him to really impact me last night. You see, when he arrived at my house in C., he took one look and said, "Wow, Jeremy, I do not know if I could live like this!" You see, my humble abode and simple lifestyle are even simpler than his, though his family is by no means well-off. Plus, he was comparing his idea of America with what he was seeing, and he could imagine the gaping difference between the two cultures.

That statement affected me positively, because it reminded me that the LORD knows what he is doing. He showed me that I have come a long way, and that he is preparing me to live in an even more rustic setting. I know that most of my friends and family would be surprised by my homey living space, but for I. to be surprised . . . that is something! I thank the Lord for the humbling He is doing in me; it is very needed and far from done!

Speaking of humbling, I was very humbled tonight. I had a long-overdue talk with someone with whom I do not see eye-to-eye, though I try hard to love this collegue. I pray for this collegue, and I try to offer respect and compassion, though I frequently fail. After this talk, I was worn out. I thanked the Lord for the progress we made in the talk, though I still hope for more reconciliation and resolution. I was very honest and open which helps a lot, even though it is not comfortable.

After that, I had dinner with a friend--with a guy friend, which is refreshing when I work with so many ladies. I have been praying for more guy friends, and because of my conversation with my other collegue, I experimented with opening my heart a little more to this friend. Though I am grateful for his friendship, it did not work very well, as he made a joke, just showing me that I still need to pray for some male Christian friends who are also close-by and willing to lend an ear.

Then I opened a couple of letters I got, one from my mom with a photo from my grandmother who recently went to heaven, and another from my newly-wed sister and brother-in-law. Unexplicably, I suddenly burst into tears, thankful that I could sob alone with Jesus where I was sitting, uninterrupted by any collegues or passers-by. It felt good to cry, though I could not really say why I was; I just had a tangle of feelings inside of me that needed release.

I am only telling you this for one reason.

Anyone can be strong with other people. It is easy to be strong with friends and with strangers. It is easy to put on a strong face, a strong act, and face the problems of the world like a hero. I know, because I have done it. I know, because I have sat in my simple little house in Romania wearing a strong face when nothing seems to be going right.

However, it is harder to be weak when others are around. Do you have someone who is a good enough friend that will let you be weak in his or her presence? We need people like that. We need those with whom we can be vulnerable. We need those to whom we can talk, with whom we can cry, upon whom we can unload and release what is pent up inside.

That is what Jesus was looking for when He took Peter, James, and John further into Gethsemane with Him. He wanted some dear friends before whom He could be weak. He was looking for somewhere where it was safe to be weak; He had to be strong the rest of the time. Do you think Jesus ever wondered if He could make it? Do you think He asked Himself if He could go through with the whole crucifixion plan? I do; I think He had some doubts. I think He felt weak and worn, and that He was literally dying for support.

I have chosen to be weak and vulnerable with you. I do not want you to pity me or to feel sorry for me. In fact, I feel happy (and a little tired now because it is late). But I want you to see Jesus, and I think that you might see Him better through a humbled, weak me than through the super-missionary-man that some of you seem to think I must be. There is nothing superhuman or super-faithful about being me. The question is not about strength or skills, it is about obedience and surrender.

I am about to surrender to sleep. I like the feeling, because it reminds me that I surrendered once to Jesus, that in fact I do it again everyday. Have you ever uncovered your weaknesses and surrendered to Jesus? I promise, with Him, it is safe to be weak.

Thanks for your love and prayers. I am praying for you, too. And remember, in our weakness, He is strong!
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A Rose From Home

A Rose From Home

My Story (As prepared for my church congregation this spring--2009)


I have a story to tell you. I am the main character, but the story is not about me. I have traveled several parts of the world, but my adventure has been closer to home. I am twenty-six years old. My story begins like many of yours…

I grew up going to church. I had been born into a family who labeled themselves “Christian,” in a country that labels itself “Christian.” Every Sunday found me attending a worship service and Sunday school in a mainline denomination church. I served as an acolyte, attended Vacation Bible School, helped my dad count and record the offering money, sang in the youth choir, was a leader in the youth group, and occasionally served as liturgist. Baptized as an infant, I was confirmed at the age of twelve, thus becoming an “official” member of the church. Then, hurt by the church, my family left to find another.

Have you ever been hurt by the Church?

After months of searching, we settled into a very large independent church. Things were different there, and I was quickly welcomed and at home among new friends that truly had a passion for Jesus. The Word of God was taught boldly from the pulpit, and I was introduced to a missions-aware lifestyle. So it was with regret that I said goodbye only a couple of years later to move with my family to another church. I purposely remained aloof, not wanting to make new friendships before I left for college a year later. Besides, I was loosing my faith—or so I thought—and I didn’t want anyone to know. I was asking scary questions like “Is there really a God?” and, if so, “Is He the Christian God?” and “Would I be Christian if I had been born in another part of the world?”

Have you ever asked yourself unsettling questions about what you believe?

So I headed into college under a cloud of confusion that only worsened for the next two years. Though I didn’t know what I believed anymore, I continued to go to church every Sunday, and to help lead worship in chapel. Most importantly, even during this questioning, I continued my morning habit of daily study of the Bible. I had begun at age twelve, reading at first a chapter per day, then ten minutes each morning, then an half-hour, and so on. So, only by the grace of the very God I doubted, I remained anchored in His Word and in His community, though I felt like a fake most of the time. Since then I have learned that “fake” is the worst insult the world can give us; that is why the label of “hypocrite” is so offensive.

Have you ever felt like a fake?

Six weeks with missionaries in South Africa followed by a year in France began to teach me what life with God is all about. I began rebuilding my faith, this time it belonged to me, in contrast to me borrowing the faith of my parents, church, or anyone else. In my parent’s basement in 2003, on either Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve, I invited Jesus to live in me; perhaps I had done so before, but I didn’t recall—but since 2003, I have never forgotten that moment. Unfortunately, nothing changed. I continued to do my best to act like a Christian, as I had done for so long.

Have you ever found yourself “doing your best” to be a good person, or to act like a Christian?

Though I did not realize it at the time, I was quenching the Spirit, even though I had welcomed Him into my life. During the next few years, the LORD continued to nurture me, and slowly things began to change. Several tough months in Idaho birthed my prayer-life. I spent three years being humbled in a job that was my informal seminary training. In 2007, a short stint in Mexico helped me to see things as they were, and not long afterward, I was baptized by immersion. No baptism of any kind can save a lost soul—only Jesus can do that. However, this baptism was an important covenant between me and God, symbolizing not only my death and resurrection with Jesus and my public profession of faith, but it also my life change, the beginning of my bearing fruit. “For each tree is known by its own fruit…”according to Luke 6:44. During the past year and a half, the LORD has provided me with an informal pastoral internship in my church, teaching me every aspect of discipleship. Simultaneously, I have been studying unceasing prayer and worship. I am now very different than I was five years ago.

In the Book of Acts (which tells the story of the earliest years of the Church) every time a person decided to follow Christ, two things took place—though not always in the same order. Each person experienced a life change, which I call the “baptism of repentance,” as well as the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, which I call the “baptism of the Spirit.” Looking back, I realize that the Holy Spirit was living in me in 2003, but it wasn’t until I surrendered everything to God, as represented by my immersion, that I allowed the Spirit to have His way in me and transform my life. “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now life in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. (Galatians 2:20)”

Have you invited Jesus to live in you? Have you allowed the Spirit to transform your life?

I tell you this story for two reasons. First, I tell this story in order to boast in the LORD! May God our Father get all praise and glory forever! Second, I tell this story because it is relevant to you. Likely you have heard that I am leaving the country: I have let my light shine before you; please let your light shine within the Church, too! This congregation is in revival, and as each of you allows the Spirit to revive you, the entire Church will be revived and utterly transformed, to the glory of the Most High God. And for His glory is the reason He created us; the reason He sent His only Son to reveal Himself to us; the reason He became Sin for us and died for us on the cross—while we were still sinners; and the reason that He conquered death and offered us eternal life with Him.

It will cost you a lot—in fact, it will cost you everything, your very life. But if you have never surrendered your life to Christ Jesus, if you have never invited Him to send His Spirit into you and to transform your life, then do it right now. Just let go of everything to which you are desperately clinging; stop trying to do it yourself! This is the very reason you are still breathing in this physical life—God has been delaying His judgment of this sinful world because He is waiting for you—2 Peter 3:9 says He wants none to perish!

If you have already invited the Spirit into your life, then live like it! Bear fruit! Anyone and everyone who meets you or knows you or sees you or hears you should know immediately and clearly that Jesus the Christ lives in you and loves them! That is how stark the contrast should be between your life and the world around you!

Have you immersed yourself in God’s Word and in prayer in the last twenty-four hours?

If you call yourself a follower of Christ, then there is no excuse for not communing with Him daily! Anchor yourself in the Word! God has revealed Himself to us through His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Bible is a complete and accurate record of that revelation. And prayer is humbly letting Him love us. Let Him love you! God doesn’t need us, but He wants us! God doesn’t need us to live for Him—He wants to live in and through us! Let us love and fellowship with one another, even when you disagree! Pray for each other—the names in the church directory are a great place to start! Church, we are not only the Body of Christ, but we are the Bride of Christ. We have allowed ourselves to get bedraggled and stained—now let us stand to the glory of God! Let’s let Him purify us, restore us, and love us!

My dear Brothers and Sisters, if you have ever once been blessed by God our Father at work in me, then I urge you, please, take seriously His desire to love and work in you, beyond anything you can ask or imagine! I have told you the beginning of my story—may it end in glory to the Father, in the Name of Jesus, by way of His Spirit.

Now, what is your story?