Thursday, November 5, 2009

Praying about Stealing Trash Bags




Location: Bedroom, Sighisoara, Romania (about 5:30am on the 6th of November.

19-21I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

22-24God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

25-27God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.

28-30When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst. (Lamentations 3:19-29, The Message)


Abba, Father,

I praise you with all that I am! You are holy, righteous, and just. You are full of loving-kindness, you are slow-to-anger, and merciful!

Your mercies are new every day, and as this day begins, I look forward to living it with You! God, what a week this has been! May Your Spirit give me the words to express my heart; search my heart, O God, and purify me.

When I last left my readers, I was sitting in what proved to be the wrong train station in Tirgu Mures. But I enjoyed the cold walk with You, and sitting with You by the heater in the Orthodox church until my team picked me up there.

Thank You for such a wonderful weekend in Tirgu Mures!
Thank You, Holy Spirit, for uniting us in such beautiful worship on Saturday night!
Thank You for preaching Your Living Word through me in the Hungarian-language Church on Sunday morning!
Thank You for going before us into the villages for three days of great programs so far this week!
Thank You for the communication I have had with mentors and friends around the world as I pray about Your plans for me.

I trust You, Father. If You have plans for me to stay longer-term in Sighisoara or Oradea, I will do so with joy. If You call me back to France, I will go as a living testimony to Your grace and goodness. If You intend for me to return to the USA in March, I will go back singing Your praises. If You have other plans for me, I ask You to fulfill them in the way that will bring You the most glory!

Abba, my heart is wrenched as I watch Your people struggle through this life corrupted by sin. It tore me up to watch the gypsy kids trying to fight over and steal trash bags, realizing that they are a precious commodity to someone who has nothing! I wanted to cry with R. as she begged for money, explaining to me that she has to go to another city to the hospital every Monday morning to give a blood transfusion to her sick baby! And the men who are begging instead of working, do they know You? Lord, I feel so small sometimes! I feel so inadequate! I feel so naive and ill-equipped!

I have given You all I have! All I am! I have nothing else--please, move in power! You are mighty to save! You do not willingly bring affliction! There is no God beside You, and You are the Lord of Heaven and Earth! You love Your people so much that You sent Your own Son to die for them--for us! And You offer us new life in Him! Rescue us, Abba, from the pit into which we have fallen! You want none to perish! You intend for us to live, to flourish with You!

Father, I remember Jesus healing with fire in His eyes, angry at the destruction of disease and sin. I recall Jesus stepping in to dramatically rescue a "nobody" woman from being stoned to death. I see Him stooping to scoop up filthy children in His arms and bless them! I hear Him urging the Church to be beautiful, to live holy lives, to love the hurting world! I hear Him ordering demons to flee! I hear His heart beating as He stood in silent authority before Pilate, who would give the order to crucify Him on the torturous cross...

God, heal!
God, deliver!
God, save!

All I have to do is look around to be in awe of Your majesty. All I have to do is call upon Your Name to know You are near. All I have to do is let a photograph send me into nostalgic thanks for Your graciousness, Your protection, Your teaching, Your leading.

Father, provide!
Father, prepare!
Father, instruct!
Father, bring justice!
Father, empower with Your love!

Please, Abba, unveil their eyes and their hearts! Draw them to You! Let them see you in Your splendor! Bless them, that they may let You love them freely and deeply! Do the same for me! Start with me! I want all of You! Do not let me harden my heart to You! Do not let me think I can do it on my own! Do not let me wander in any of the ways of the world! Do not let me chase after the wind, or after the desires of my human flesh! Do not let me harden my heart to the people around me, the people that need You, the people that long for a life they cannot even imagine!

Abba, I know that to many, my life looks foolish. I know they do not understand, and I realize that my explanations are far too inadequate. Father, they see a bright young man throwing away his youth, his education, his money, his potential. What they do not see is everything that I get to see! They do not see the prayers You are answering, the people You are loving, the mountains You are moving, the earth You are shaking! They do not see the multitudes waiting for a glimpse of You, a glimpse that has too long been shrouded by a hypocritical, fearful Church, "professional" ministers and missionaries who are more concerned about reputations and glory than they are about compassion, and confusing doctrines and half-truths that swirl and billow like ocean waves in a storm needing to be calmed by the Jesus who walks on water!

Let them see Him in me! I do not care if they recognize me or remember my name. I do not care if I look like a fool or end up someday in an unmarked grave with no personal legacy to etch into a tombstone--let them see You in me! Reveal Yourself for the sake of Your glory! Have mercy on those who have turned their back on You, who have dismissed You, who have doubted You! Have mercy on those who are chained by religious traditions and false teachers, who do not know that the God of the Universe does not want us to kiss icons, celebrate dead saints, or have the best Vacation Bible School in town, but that He wants us to let Him love us! To be in relationship with us! To be our Father!

God, I love You! Everyone thinks I am seeking something! I am seeking first Your Kingdom and Your Righteousness! Nothing else matters! You are the secret to the joy that pulses through me, even in hard times. You are the reason I cannot stop singing! You are the reason I am always ready to preach! You are my incentive for maintaining friendships all over the world, for using words to turn my life inside-out, hoping that at least one other person will lose himself in Your overwhelming love.

Thank you for that love, God. I bless Your Name. And, recognizing the holiness and power of Your Name, I bless the readers of this blog and the readers of my life, in the Name of Jesus. I bless them with soft hearts and open eyes, with ears ready to recognize Your truth and a mind ready to understand it. I pray that they feel loved by me, and that they recognize that that love comes not from my weak self, but from You who put strength in me.

Father, thank you for encouraging me this week through my friend, T., who reminded me of this passage:

1-2 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

3I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

4-6In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

6-8If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

9-10Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

11-13Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

14-16Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

17-19Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

20-21Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good. (Romans 12, The Message)

Lord, I am not a great somebody, but You Are! Thank you for overcoming evil with good at the cross. Thank you for declaring it with an empty tomb! I confess that I do not proclaim it often enough, nor boldly enough! Thank you for Your grace, Your mercy, and Your forgiveness. I will continue to let Your light shine before all people!
I pray in the Name of Jesus, Amen.




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A Rose From Home

A Rose From Home

My Story (As prepared for my church congregation this spring--2009)


I have a story to tell you. I am the main character, but the story is not about me. I have traveled several parts of the world, but my adventure has been closer to home. I am twenty-six years old. My story begins like many of yours…

I grew up going to church. I had been born into a family who labeled themselves “Christian,” in a country that labels itself “Christian.” Every Sunday found me attending a worship service and Sunday school in a mainline denomination church. I served as an acolyte, attended Vacation Bible School, helped my dad count and record the offering money, sang in the youth choir, was a leader in the youth group, and occasionally served as liturgist. Baptized as an infant, I was confirmed at the age of twelve, thus becoming an “official” member of the church. Then, hurt by the church, my family left to find another.

Have you ever been hurt by the Church?

After months of searching, we settled into a very large independent church. Things were different there, and I was quickly welcomed and at home among new friends that truly had a passion for Jesus. The Word of God was taught boldly from the pulpit, and I was introduced to a missions-aware lifestyle. So it was with regret that I said goodbye only a couple of years later to move with my family to another church. I purposely remained aloof, not wanting to make new friendships before I left for college a year later. Besides, I was loosing my faith—or so I thought—and I didn’t want anyone to know. I was asking scary questions like “Is there really a God?” and, if so, “Is He the Christian God?” and “Would I be Christian if I had been born in another part of the world?”

Have you ever asked yourself unsettling questions about what you believe?

So I headed into college under a cloud of confusion that only worsened for the next two years. Though I didn’t know what I believed anymore, I continued to go to church every Sunday, and to help lead worship in chapel. Most importantly, even during this questioning, I continued my morning habit of daily study of the Bible. I had begun at age twelve, reading at first a chapter per day, then ten minutes each morning, then an half-hour, and so on. So, only by the grace of the very God I doubted, I remained anchored in His Word and in His community, though I felt like a fake most of the time. Since then I have learned that “fake” is the worst insult the world can give us; that is why the label of “hypocrite” is so offensive.

Have you ever felt like a fake?

Six weeks with missionaries in South Africa followed by a year in France began to teach me what life with God is all about. I began rebuilding my faith, this time it belonged to me, in contrast to me borrowing the faith of my parents, church, or anyone else. In my parent’s basement in 2003, on either Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve, I invited Jesus to live in me; perhaps I had done so before, but I didn’t recall—but since 2003, I have never forgotten that moment. Unfortunately, nothing changed. I continued to do my best to act like a Christian, as I had done for so long.

Have you ever found yourself “doing your best” to be a good person, or to act like a Christian?

Though I did not realize it at the time, I was quenching the Spirit, even though I had welcomed Him into my life. During the next few years, the LORD continued to nurture me, and slowly things began to change. Several tough months in Idaho birthed my prayer-life. I spent three years being humbled in a job that was my informal seminary training. In 2007, a short stint in Mexico helped me to see things as they were, and not long afterward, I was baptized by immersion. No baptism of any kind can save a lost soul—only Jesus can do that. However, this baptism was an important covenant between me and God, symbolizing not only my death and resurrection with Jesus and my public profession of faith, but it also my life change, the beginning of my bearing fruit. “For each tree is known by its own fruit…”according to Luke 6:44. During the past year and a half, the LORD has provided me with an informal pastoral internship in my church, teaching me every aspect of discipleship. Simultaneously, I have been studying unceasing prayer and worship. I am now very different than I was five years ago.

In the Book of Acts (which tells the story of the earliest years of the Church) every time a person decided to follow Christ, two things took place—though not always in the same order. Each person experienced a life change, which I call the “baptism of repentance,” as well as the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, which I call the “baptism of the Spirit.” Looking back, I realize that the Holy Spirit was living in me in 2003, but it wasn’t until I surrendered everything to God, as represented by my immersion, that I allowed the Spirit to have His way in me and transform my life. “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now life in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. (Galatians 2:20)”

Have you invited Jesus to live in you? Have you allowed the Spirit to transform your life?

I tell you this story for two reasons. First, I tell this story in order to boast in the LORD! May God our Father get all praise and glory forever! Second, I tell this story because it is relevant to you. Likely you have heard that I am leaving the country: I have let my light shine before you; please let your light shine within the Church, too! This congregation is in revival, and as each of you allows the Spirit to revive you, the entire Church will be revived and utterly transformed, to the glory of the Most High God. And for His glory is the reason He created us; the reason He sent His only Son to reveal Himself to us; the reason He became Sin for us and died for us on the cross—while we were still sinners; and the reason that He conquered death and offered us eternal life with Him.

It will cost you a lot—in fact, it will cost you everything, your very life. But if you have never surrendered your life to Christ Jesus, if you have never invited Him to send His Spirit into you and to transform your life, then do it right now. Just let go of everything to which you are desperately clinging; stop trying to do it yourself! This is the very reason you are still breathing in this physical life—God has been delaying His judgment of this sinful world because He is waiting for you—2 Peter 3:9 says He wants none to perish!

If you have already invited the Spirit into your life, then live like it! Bear fruit! Anyone and everyone who meets you or knows you or sees you or hears you should know immediately and clearly that Jesus the Christ lives in you and loves them! That is how stark the contrast should be between your life and the world around you!

Have you immersed yourself in God’s Word and in prayer in the last twenty-four hours?

If you call yourself a follower of Christ, then there is no excuse for not communing with Him daily! Anchor yourself in the Word! God has revealed Himself to us through His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Bible is a complete and accurate record of that revelation. And prayer is humbly letting Him love us. Let Him love you! God doesn’t need us, but He wants us! God doesn’t need us to live for Him—He wants to live in and through us! Let us love and fellowship with one another, even when you disagree! Pray for each other—the names in the church directory are a great place to start! Church, we are not only the Body of Christ, but we are the Bride of Christ. We have allowed ourselves to get bedraggled and stained—now let us stand to the glory of God! Let’s let Him purify us, restore us, and love us!

My dear Brothers and Sisters, if you have ever once been blessed by God our Father at work in me, then I urge you, please, take seriously His desire to love and work in you, beyond anything you can ask or imagine! I have told you the beginning of my story—may it end in glory to the Father, in the Name of Jesus, by way of His Spirit.

Now, what is your story?