Location: My house in C., nearly 11:00pm on the 11th of July.
It is too late to write, but I must.
After an extremely difficult week, I had a great weekend (some of which you read about in my last blog entry). I cannot tell you about all of it, because if the weather dries out, we have long hours of bringing in the hay waiting for us this week, and after that I am heading to help with a camp near Hunedoara, and after that helping with a camp here in C. That means I need rest in advance!
Yesterday was restful, but that rest was bookended by my 20 kilometer bike ride each way (to and from town). Let me give you insight into a life of walking (or in this case, biking) with Jesus.
As I rode into a beautiful morning yesterday, I thanked the Lord again for my bike. It is sturdy, handles the doubtful terrain well, and gives me a certain amount of freedom. However, I had hardly left the village when I had a strong feeling that told me to, "Go back." Immediately it seemed like God was telling me to turn around, for this silent "voice" was similar to how His Spirit often leads me. And while it was true that I had important things to do in town, they were nothing that could not be delayed a day or probably even a week. Nonetheless, everything seemed good about going to town, so I was confused. I stopped on the side of the road, pulled out a Bible, and prayerfully read some of God's Word, asking for clarification if this was really His voice telling me to go back. I decided I was imagining things, and continued on, though I could not shake the uncertainty. To add to my uneasiness, a thick haze crowded into the beautiful day, wrapping around the hills and settling on the fields. I stopped again and prayed, and again continued on my way, reaching the small town that marks the halfway point. I asked the Lord to place and angel in the road like He did for Balaam and to open my eyes to see him, if I needed to go back. Almost immediately I came upon a man holding a scythe, but he was on the side of the road and waved as I rode past, only stepping into the road after I had passed him. Only a bit further, I again stopped on the side of the rode, this time calling back to the W. family in the village, to confirm that everything was fine there. It was. All systems "go". As I reached a turn-off that could take me back the 14 kilometers to my village, I decided that this uncertainly was not worth it, that I would turn around. But then I dismounted and prayed again, saying, "Lord, I do not care if I spend the day in town or in the village; I just want to spend it with You! What bothers me is that I am struggling so much to recognize Your voice! In faith, I cried out to You and have prayed for You to clarify my call to turn back, and with each clarification I asked for, nothing happened when the opportunity arose, such as the "angel in the road" with the scythe; I know that You hear and answer my prayers. If I am needed in the village, or if You have special blessings for me there today, I want to be there. But the same is true of Sighisoara. I just want to spend the day with You; I want to obey You, and I do not want to miss what You have for me."
I sat on the side of the road a bit longer, and finally decided to go on to Sighisoara, arriving and enjoying a wonderful day there.
Adventure awaited me, though, upon my return trip. During the day, I had talked with my family and my mentor via internet phone and email, and with each we had talked about my bike. I told them it was good, that the brakes squealed a bit, but so far everything was working fine. Before coming home, I swung by the grocery and picked up a few items for me and for my coworker, I. The extra weight sped me up on the downhill shoot outside of town, and I made great time for the first half of my trip back in the twilight. In fact, for the first time I activated the generator headlight, and I think I burned it out on that downhill race!
Because of the weight of my bag, though, I. insisted on meeting me to help me carry the groceries. Just past the halfway mark, I saw him coming and called for him to turn around. Then it happened... I think I slightly squeezed the brake to slow, though I hardly recall. What I do know is that suddenly my rear tire locked, pulling the brake cable taut, and jerking my handlebars hard to the right. The now perpendicular front tire stopped the bike abruptly, sending me flying over the handlebars and skiddling across the pavement. It seems that my bike had lost a screw that holds the rear brake fixture in place, and the latter began to turn with the wheel, tugging on the break cable and braking the screws on each end before completely blocking the rear wheel from spinning.
I dusted myself off, put my bike chain back on, and then we worked our way ahead for a couple of hundred meters as it started to rain. Some folks were just leaving their work in the field, and the man in the tractor had a hammer he loaned us to free the rear wheel, and he helped us with the "repair," which then allowed the bike to slowly carry me home.
I tell you this because I am so thankful. This is what I wrote to the Lord in my prayer journal:
"I am thankful for so many things. Thank You for the bike and for the successful trip to town and back. If You were warning me in the morning, thank You. Thank You that it did not happen further from home, especially on the fast downhill, heavily-trafficked part of the road. Thank You that I did not hit my head, or really get hurt at all. Thank You for the little bit of sediment left on the road from the flooding, which helped save my skin and body. Thank You for I. arriving as it happened and for his help. Thank You for the folks in the field with the tractor who generously loaned us a hammer and helped us with the repair. Thank You for using the pop I had bought for I. to protect my computer from damage; You also protected my phone and had convinced me to leave my camera at home that morning. Not even my clothes were torn, and my minor scrape was easily treated with salve and a couple of Band-Aids. Thank You that my bike is probably repairable. Thank You that it did not rain extremely hard. Thank You that even with the delay from the accident, the general store was still open so I could buy some food for dinner. Thank You for Your joy and reassurance throughout everything, and for being with me. Thank You for using this fall to help re-strengthen my friendship with I. and his faith."
No, I was not hurt. But you see, I do believe that this was one of many spiritual attacks I faced last week, for God has been working mightly in my life, in the life of my coworker, I., and in our village of C. There is more going on here than I could possibly explain right now, but I wanted to tell you this for God's glory. I wanted to show You again God's protection and provision. I wanted to remind You that we always have a choice to look that the problems life throws at us, or at the blessings God gives us. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, "Give thanks in all circumstances." Ephesians 5:20 teaches us to give thanks to God our Father at all times and for everything in the Name of Jesus.
As I said in church this morning, every time I faced a challenge this week, by His grace I was able to say, "God is good!" or "God, You are so good!" or "We have a good God!" Do you believe it? Do you know it? Even when you fly over handlebars or skid across asphalt? Even when your head is in a toilet with the latest flu bug? Even when your family or faith seems to be unraveling? Even when you do not think you can go another step, survive another moment, or breathe another breath? Do not be tempted to give up or to go back if the Lord is going on ahead of you! He is good, and He is working for your good and His glory!
My prayer for you is that through the abundant grace and mercy of the Lord Jesus, you will be able to know, to truly know, God's goodness today, so that You, too, will be able to recognize His voice and give Him thanks in every circumstance, for everything. I bless you in the Name of Jesus.
This blog is your opportunity to travel with me wherever I am in the world, during both the mundane and exciting moments of life that I humbly recognize as holy. As I bare my life to you, may your reading take you beyond my words to the Word, beyond my life to the Life, beyond the chaos to the Truth, and beyond teachings to the Teacher--the Rabboni. I promise it will be an adventure, and by the end, may you, too, truly know the Way!
A Rose From Home
My Story (As prepared for my church congregation this spring--2009)
I have a story to tell you. I am the main character, but the story is not about me. I have traveled several parts of the world, but my adventure has been closer to home. I am twenty-six years old. My story begins like many of yours…
I grew up going to church. I had been born into a family who labeled themselves “Christian,” in a country that labels itself “Christian.” Every Sunday found me attending a worship service and Sunday school in a mainline denomination church. I served as an acolyte, attended Vacation Bible School, helped my dad count and record the offering money, sang in the youth choir, was a leader in the youth group, and occasionally served as liturgist. Baptized as an infant, I was confirmed at the age of twelve, thus becoming an “official” member of the church. Then, hurt by the church, my family left to find another.
Have you ever been hurt by the Church?
After months of searching, we settled into a very large independent church. Things were different there, and I was quickly welcomed and at home among new friends that truly had a passion for Jesus. The Word of God was taught boldly from the pulpit, and I was introduced to a missions-aware lifestyle. So it was with regret that I said goodbye only a couple of years later to move with my family to another church. I purposely remained aloof, not wanting to make new friendships before I left for college a year later. Besides, I was loosing my faith—or so I thought—and I didn’t want anyone to know. I was asking scary questions like “Is there really a God?” and, if so, “Is He the Christian God?” and “Would I be Christian if I had been born in another part of the world?”
Have you ever asked yourself unsettling questions about what you believe?
So I headed into college under a cloud of confusion that only worsened for the next two years. Though I didn’t know what I believed anymore, I continued to go to church every Sunday, and to help lead worship in chapel. Most importantly, even during this questioning, I continued my morning habit of daily study of the Bible. I had begun at age twelve, reading at first a chapter per day, then ten minutes each morning, then an half-hour, and so on. So, only by the grace of the very God I doubted, I remained anchored in His Word and in His community, though I felt like a fake most of the time. Since then I have learned that “fake” is the worst insult the world can give us; that is why the label of “hypocrite” is so offensive.
Have you ever felt like a fake?
Six weeks with missionaries in South Africa followed by a year in France began to teach me what life with God is all about. I began rebuilding my faith, this time it belonged to me, in contrast to me borrowing the faith of my parents, church, or anyone else. In my parent’s basement in 2003, on either Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve, I invited Jesus to live in me; perhaps I had done so before, but I didn’t recall—but since 2003, I have never forgotten that moment. Unfortunately, nothing changed. I continued to do my best to act like a Christian, as I had done for so long.
Have you ever found yourself “doing your best” to be a good person, or to act like a Christian?
Though I did not realize it at the time, I was quenching the Spirit, even though I had welcomed Him into my life. During the next few years, the LORD continued to nurture me, and slowly things began to change. Several tough months in Idaho birthed my prayer-life. I spent three years being humbled in a job that was my informal seminary training. In 2007, a short stint in Mexico helped me to see things as they were, and not long afterward, I was baptized by immersion. No baptism of any kind can save a lost soul—only Jesus can do that. However, this baptism was an important covenant between me and God, symbolizing not only my death and resurrection with Jesus and my public profession of faith, but it also my life change, the beginning of my bearing fruit. “For each tree is known by its own fruit…”according to Luke 6:44. During the past year and a half, the LORD has provided me with an informal pastoral internship in my church, teaching me every aspect of discipleship. Simultaneously, I have been studying unceasing prayer and worship. I am now very different than I was five years ago.
In the Book of Acts (which tells the story of the earliest years of the Church) every time a person decided to follow Christ, two things took place—though not always in the same order. Each person experienced a life change, which I call the “baptism of repentance,” as well as the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, which I call the “baptism of the Spirit.” Looking back, I realize that the Holy Spirit was living in me in 2003, but it wasn’t until I surrendered everything to God, as represented by my immersion, that I allowed the Spirit to have His way in me and transform my life. “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now life in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. (Galatians 2:20)”
Have you invited Jesus to live in you? Have you allowed the Spirit to transform your life?
I tell you this story for two reasons. First, I tell this story in order to boast in the LORD! May God our Father get all praise and glory forever! Second, I tell this story because it is relevant to you. Likely you have heard that I am leaving the country: I have let my light shine before you; please let your light shine within the Church, too! This congregation is in revival, and as each of you allows the Spirit to revive you, the entire Church will be revived and utterly transformed, to the glory of the Most High God. And for His glory is the reason He created us; the reason He sent His only Son to reveal Himself to us; the reason He became Sin for us and died for us on the cross—while we were still sinners; and the reason that He conquered death and offered us eternal life with Him.
It will cost you a lot—in fact, it will cost you everything, your very life. But if you have never surrendered your life to Christ Jesus, if you have never invited Him to send His Spirit into you and to transform your life, then do it right now. Just let go of everything to which you are desperately clinging; stop trying to do it yourself! This is the very reason you are still breathing in this physical life—God has been delaying His judgment of this sinful world because He is waiting for you—2 Peter 3:9 says He wants none to perish!
If you have already invited the Spirit into your life, then live like it! Bear fruit! Anyone and everyone who meets you or knows you or sees you or hears you should know immediately and clearly that Jesus the Christ lives in you and loves them! That is how stark the contrast should be between your life and the world around you!
Have you immersed yourself in God’s Word and in prayer in the last twenty-four hours?
If you call yourself a follower of Christ, then there is no excuse for not communing with Him daily! Anchor yourself in the Word! God has revealed Himself to us through His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Bible is a complete and accurate record of that revelation. And prayer is humbly letting Him love us. Let Him love you! God doesn’t need us, but He wants us! God doesn’t need us to live for Him—He wants to live in and through us! Let us love and fellowship with one another, even when you disagree! Pray for each other—the names in the church directory are a great place to start! Church, we are not only the Body of Christ, but we are the Bride of Christ. We have allowed ourselves to get bedraggled and stained—now let us stand to the glory of God! Let’s let Him purify us, restore us, and love us!
My dear Brothers and Sisters, if you have ever once been blessed by God our Father at work in me, then I urge you, please, take seriously His desire to love and work in you, beyond anything you can ask or imagine! I have told you the beginning of my story—may it end in glory to the Father, in the Name of Jesus, by way of His Spirit.
Now, what is your story?