Location: The very clean, otherwise empty dining hall of the camp, outside Grenoble, France (it is 8:00am on Sunday morning, September 6)
For the several of you waiting for email replies from me, I apologize, and I assure you I will do my best to respond soon. I decided to post on the blog first, so that everyone would be "au courant" with my plans. Very soon, I will leave this valley tucked into the French Alps and will spend the night close to the bus station; the following morning I will greet the sunrise somewhere along the road to Romania from my cocoon in a bus seat where I will rest for two days. My contact in Romania will be waiting for me, God-willing, but I do not know what my Internet availability will be like, nor how soon I will have my Romanian cell phone up and running. Thanks for your prayers and patience. I will stay in contact as best as possible. Most of you know that when I am unable to connect to the Internet, I write my posts offline and save them until I can post them. Watch for them!
The reason I fell behind on everything has to do with an international prayer conference in which I had the unexpected privilege of participating. I met wonderful people from all over the world, and when I was not working, I often was interceding with them for individuals and countries around the globe, often into the wee hours of the morning. We probably prayed for you!
Now I am trying to catch up on sleep, emails, and the little details that need to be completed before I head to Romania. Yesterday was a cleaning day after our rental group left, which explains why the dining hall is so immaculate! The dining hall, along with the dishroom and some of the restrooms, was my responsibility. That took much of the day, and then I was invited to dinner by a missionary family. Today we plan to go to church (this will be the first time I have attended service in a church building in quite some time) and to catch up on rest.
As I was praying about Romania yesterday, I realized that though there is often a lot of unknown in my life, this time there seems to be a little more. In fact, I was smiling as I thought about the fact that there is too much unknown for me to even be scared--maybe as I learn more I will taste a little apprehension. But I feel good about the coming months.
Leaving the camp seems strange. I have had a wonderful stay here, and I feel very much a part of things. This last group seemed to think that my title of "toilet-cleaner" or "dish-washer" is translated "he-who-knows-everything," and I had to try to answer all sorts of questions that were beyond my knowledge of the camp or the area. But not only do the visitors think I belong here, but the staff have adopted me as part of the family. I enjoy the area, and God moves powerfully among the people here. So in many ways I am not eager to leave; nonetheless, it feels like time. I knew all along this was a brief stop, and though I would not be disappointed to pass through here again, I am ready for what lies ahead.
You see, I mentioned that June in Romania was one of the best months of my life. In fact, in retrospect, this year seems to be one of the best I have ever had! Perhaps you see me as transient and lost or seeking. I see myself of confident of God's call on my life and led by His Spirit. He is faithful and true, and I feel more secure and certain of my current lifestyle than I have for a long time. Certainly, traveling gets old, but I am rooted in the mighty love of an unchanging God! It is true that I often do not know on any given day how God might work in or through me, but I see the big picture of His plans, and I am happy to walk with Him as He brings them to pass.
In fact, I feel very satisfied with the many blessings of this summer and the path I am on. Oddly, though, I was confronted by a couple of people this week who suggested that I seem to be seeking something, perhaps searching satisfaction. This bothered me more than usual, because it seems to mean one of two things. Either I am dissatisfied and am simply deceiving myself, or I am satisfied and through my lifestyle inadvertantly communicating that I am dissatisfied. Neither option is positive from my point-of-view, so I have given it a lot of thought, and I will continue to pray about it.
I think, though, that I am very happy. I have met dozens of amazing people this summer, and I have seen God powerfully at work in Italy, Switzerland, Germany, Romania, and France, in addition to hearing the stories from Jesus-followers in many other countries! What a privilege this summer has been! And though often there are fears and challenges and uncomfortable situations, like the apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4, I am content in every situation, because I know my God is with me. I am not running across Europe waiting for God to catch up. I am going in the path that Jesus leads me on, and I am in awe as He shows me His glory. Thus, I am very content to be on such a journey!
At the same time, the God we serve is an unfathomable God. He is so great that none could ever begin to know Him if He had not chosen to reveal Himself to us--Jesus is the most clear revelation we have, and I thank God for sending His Son that we might know Him better! Having come through numerous adventures in several parts of the world, I can state that getting to know God facet by facet is the greatest adventure. And in this way, I hope to be never satisfied. I pray that daily, moment by moment for the rest of eternity, God will reveal more of Himself to me, His beauty, His love, His justice, His grace, His mercy, His genius, His wisdom, His power, His compassion, His patience, His joy, ... The more of Him I know, the more of Him I want to know! Biologically speaking, I am not a parent, but I think it would be similar (in a grossly inadequate analogy) to watching you child grow and develop. You would never tire of watching him or her mature and succeed and meet life's challenges with ingenuity and energy; you would never tire of seeing new character traits reveal or refine themselves. In this way I thirst after God. I know Him, but the little I know makes me desire to go deeper, to know every bit of His heart, His mind, His glory!
So maybe I am not satisfied, but if that is the case, may I never be! May I never be satisfied with anything less than all of our infinite God! As tired as I get of traveling, I would criss-cross the earth for the rest of my life following Him. As much as I like variety and new experiences, I would sit locked in a small, prision-like room for the rest of my life sitting with Him.
O, how I love Jesus! O, how I hope that someday you will, too, if you do not already! He already loves you with more passion than you can imagine!
And how do I know? Because I know Him. Because I have traveled the world with Him, and I have heard His sons and daughters around the globe declare awesome stories of His goodness. Brother or sister, let Him love you! Do not let yourself be satisfied with anything less than the deep, deep love of Jesus!
This blog is your opportunity to travel with me wherever I am in the world, during both the mundane and exciting moments of life that I humbly recognize as holy. As I bare my life to you, may your reading take you beyond my words to the Word, beyond my life to the Life, beyond the chaos to the Truth, and beyond teachings to the Teacher--the Rabboni. I promise it will be an adventure, and by the end, may you, too, truly know the Way!
A Rose From Home
My Story (As prepared for my church congregation this spring--2009)
I have a story to tell you. I am the main character, but the story is not about me. I have traveled several parts of the world, but my adventure has been closer to home. I am twenty-six years old. My story begins like many of yours…
I grew up going to church. I had been born into a family who labeled themselves “Christian,” in a country that labels itself “Christian.” Every Sunday found me attending a worship service and Sunday school in a mainline denomination church. I served as an acolyte, attended Vacation Bible School, helped my dad count and record the offering money, sang in the youth choir, was a leader in the youth group, and occasionally served as liturgist. Baptized as an infant, I was confirmed at the age of twelve, thus becoming an “official” member of the church. Then, hurt by the church, my family left to find another.
Have you ever been hurt by the Church?
After months of searching, we settled into a very large independent church. Things were different there, and I was quickly welcomed and at home among new friends that truly had a passion for Jesus. The Word of God was taught boldly from the pulpit, and I was introduced to a missions-aware lifestyle. So it was with regret that I said goodbye only a couple of years later to move with my family to another church. I purposely remained aloof, not wanting to make new friendships before I left for college a year later. Besides, I was loosing my faith—or so I thought—and I didn’t want anyone to know. I was asking scary questions like “Is there really a God?” and, if so, “Is He the Christian God?” and “Would I be Christian if I had been born in another part of the world?”
Have you ever asked yourself unsettling questions about what you believe?
So I headed into college under a cloud of confusion that only worsened for the next two years. Though I didn’t know what I believed anymore, I continued to go to church every Sunday, and to help lead worship in chapel. Most importantly, even during this questioning, I continued my morning habit of daily study of the Bible. I had begun at age twelve, reading at first a chapter per day, then ten minutes each morning, then an half-hour, and so on. So, only by the grace of the very God I doubted, I remained anchored in His Word and in His community, though I felt like a fake most of the time. Since then I have learned that “fake” is the worst insult the world can give us; that is why the label of “hypocrite” is so offensive.
Have you ever felt like a fake?
Six weeks with missionaries in South Africa followed by a year in France began to teach me what life with God is all about. I began rebuilding my faith, this time it belonged to me, in contrast to me borrowing the faith of my parents, church, or anyone else. In my parent’s basement in 2003, on either Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve, I invited Jesus to live in me; perhaps I had done so before, but I didn’t recall—but since 2003, I have never forgotten that moment. Unfortunately, nothing changed. I continued to do my best to act like a Christian, as I had done for so long.
Have you ever found yourself “doing your best” to be a good person, or to act like a Christian?
Though I did not realize it at the time, I was quenching the Spirit, even though I had welcomed Him into my life. During the next few years, the LORD continued to nurture me, and slowly things began to change. Several tough months in Idaho birthed my prayer-life. I spent three years being humbled in a job that was my informal seminary training. In 2007, a short stint in Mexico helped me to see things as they were, and not long afterward, I was baptized by immersion. No baptism of any kind can save a lost soul—only Jesus can do that. However, this baptism was an important covenant between me and God, symbolizing not only my death and resurrection with Jesus and my public profession of faith, but it also my life change, the beginning of my bearing fruit. “For each tree is known by its own fruit…”according to Luke 6:44. During the past year and a half, the LORD has provided me with an informal pastoral internship in my church, teaching me every aspect of discipleship. Simultaneously, I have been studying unceasing prayer and worship. I am now very different than I was five years ago.
In the Book of Acts (which tells the story of the earliest years of the Church) every time a person decided to follow Christ, two things took place—though not always in the same order. Each person experienced a life change, which I call the “baptism of repentance,” as well as the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, which I call the “baptism of the Spirit.” Looking back, I realize that the Holy Spirit was living in me in 2003, but it wasn’t until I surrendered everything to God, as represented by my immersion, that I allowed the Spirit to have His way in me and transform my life. “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now life in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. (Galatians 2:20)”
Have you invited Jesus to live in you? Have you allowed the Spirit to transform your life?
I tell you this story for two reasons. First, I tell this story in order to boast in the LORD! May God our Father get all praise and glory forever! Second, I tell this story because it is relevant to you. Likely you have heard that I am leaving the country: I have let my light shine before you; please let your light shine within the Church, too! This congregation is in revival, and as each of you allows the Spirit to revive you, the entire Church will be revived and utterly transformed, to the glory of the Most High God. And for His glory is the reason He created us; the reason He sent His only Son to reveal Himself to us; the reason He became Sin for us and died for us on the cross—while we were still sinners; and the reason that He conquered death and offered us eternal life with Him.
It will cost you a lot—in fact, it will cost you everything, your very life. But if you have never surrendered your life to Christ Jesus, if you have never invited Him to send His Spirit into you and to transform your life, then do it right now. Just let go of everything to which you are desperately clinging; stop trying to do it yourself! This is the very reason you are still breathing in this physical life—God has been delaying His judgment of this sinful world because He is waiting for you—2 Peter 3:9 says He wants none to perish!
If you have already invited the Spirit into your life, then live like it! Bear fruit! Anyone and everyone who meets you or knows you or sees you or hears you should know immediately and clearly that Jesus the Christ lives in you and loves them! That is how stark the contrast should be between your life and the world around you!
Have you immersed yourself in God’s Word and in prayer in the last twenty-four hours?
If you call yourself a follower of Christ, then there is no excuse for not communing with Him daily! Anchor yourself in the Word! God has revealed Himself to us through His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Bible is a complete and accurate record of that revelation. And prayer is humbly letting Him love us. Let Him love you! God doesn’t need us, but He wants us! God doesn’t need us to live for Him—He wants to live in and through us! Let us love and fellowship with one another, even when you disagree! Pray for each other—the names in the church directory are a great place to start! Church, we are not only the Body of Christ, but we are the Bride of Christ. We have allowed ourselves to get bedraggled and stained—now let us stand to the glory of God! Let’s let Him purify us, restore us, and love us!
My dear Brothers and Sisters, if you have ever once been blessed by God our Father at work in me, then I urge you, please, take seriously His desire to love and work in you, beyond anything you can ask or imagine! I have told you the beginning of my story—may it end in glory to the Father, in the Name of Jesus, by way of His Spirit.
Now, what is your story?